Fear of a Bot Planet S1 Ep05

Posted: Wed Sep 13, 2006 8:45 pm

Summary of "Fear of a Bot Planet"

At Madison Cube Garden watching a blernsball game, Bender complains about the poor treatment of robots. They're only there to clean up, polish the balls or water the fields. They never get any respect. Later, Bender must deliver a package to a planet inhabited by murderous robots that kill humans on sight. He discovers a robotopia - a land where the robot is king! However, when Leela and Fry are captured, Bender must choose between protecting his celebrity status or saving his friends.

Transcript of Fear Of A Bot Planet

[Scene: Ships Cockpit. Fry and Leela stand in front of the couch looking out of the windscreen into open space.]

Leela: What do you think of the view, Fry?

Fry: It really puts things in perspective. I mean, from up here an entire world can seem utterly insignificant.

[A small planet splats onto the windscreen. Leela presses a button and the windscreen wiper cleans it off.]

[Opening Credits. Caption: Featuring Gratuitous Alien Nudity.]

[Scene: Madison Cube Garden. The Planet Express staff watch what could be a baseball game between the New New York Yankees and the Mars Greenskins... ]

Bender: Hey, nice seats! We're close enough to when you knock a player down with a beer bottle, he stays down.

Fry: I don't get this. Is blernsball exactly the same as baseball?

Farnsworth: Baseball? God forbid!

Leela: Face it, Fry. Baseball was as boring as Mom and apple pie. That's why they jazzed it up.

Fry: Boring? Baseball wasn't-- Hmm, so they finally jazzed it up.

[A player hits the ball. Fry jumps up, cheering.]

Fry: Home run! [He laughs.] Right?

[The ball is attached to a piece of elastic and springs back. A player catches it and the momentum carries him so he flies through the air with the ball. He reaches out and hits a base.]

Umpire: Out!

[The crowd cheers and Leela writes on her scorecard.]

Fry: What just happened? Why is the ball on that springy thing?

Leela: It's traditional. Just like aluminium bats and the seventh inning grope.

[Another hit. A player jumps to catch the ball but misses it and is caught by Bender.]

Bender: I got me a souvenir! [A boy looks up at Bender sadly.] Aw, here you go, kid!

[He hands the player to the boy.]

[Scene: Madison Cube Garden Corridor. Zoidberg comes out of the Gents and approaches a vendor.]

Zoidberg: I'd like a jumbo squid log, please.

Vendor: We don't sell those.

Zoidberg: Alright, alright. Let me have one of your young on a roll.

Vendor: We're outta rolls.

Zoidberg: Fine! Just give me something crawling with parasites.

[Cut to: Madison Cube Garden. Back in the bleachers, Zoidberg eat a hotdog and purrs. The others have hotdogs too. Fry takes a bite.]

Fry: Mmm. At least hotdogs haven't changed.

Bender: Hey, buddies, who wants popcorn?

Leela Oh, I'll have some.

Fry: Me!

Farnsworth: Oh, yes!

Zoidberg: Yes, please, popcorn!

[Popping noises come from Bender's chest cabinet. He opens it and takes out a large tub of popcorn.]

Bender: Anyone want butter on that?

[He pumps his antenna.]

Fry: Hey, I'm starting to get the hang of this game. The blerns are loaded, the count's three blerns and two anti-blerns and the infield blern rule is in effect, right?

Leela: Except for the word "blern" that was complete gibberish.

[Something beeps. The blernsball falls into a hole and "Ball Locked" flashes on large screens. Machines come up in the pitch and the crowd cheers.]

Man: Multi-ball! [Another machine comes up.] Multi-ball! [The game turns into a pinball game with balls flying everywhere. The batter tries in vain to hit the many balls flying at him.] Blern! Blern!

[Another player rides a hover-cycle around the pitch with the bases exploding behind him. A bullpen opens and someone comes out riding a large spider. Fry scratches his head in confusion. Leela writes on her score card.]

Leela: Alright! Yes! Miller's on a pace to hit 70 blerns!

Farnsworth: He's good, alright. But he's no Clem Johnson. And Johnson played back in the days before steroid injections were mandatory.

Bender: Clem Johnson? That skin bag wouldn't have lasted one pitch in the old Robot Leagues! Now Wireless Joe Jackson, there was a blern-hitting machine!

Leela: Exactly! He was a machine designed to hit blerns! I mean, come on, Wireless Joe was nothing but a programmable bat on wheels.

Bender: Oh, and I suppose Pitchomat 5000 was just a modified howitzer?

Leela: Yep.

Bender: You humans are so scared of a little robot competition you won't even let us on the field.

Fry: What are you talking about? There's all kinds of robots down there.

Bender: Yeah, doing crap work! They're bat boys, ball polishers, sprinkler systems. But how many robot managers are there?

Fry: 11?

Bender: Zero! [He throws his bottle on the floor and it breaks. A small track-driven robot comes out and cleans it up.] And what a surprise! Look who's scraping up the filth. Is it a human child? I wish!

[Farnsworth suddenly leans forward, clutching his chest.]

Farnsworth: Oh, dear Lord!

Fry: What's wrong?

Farnsworth: It's ... my ... new pager.

[He takes his pager out of his lab coat and turns it on. A holographic image of Hermes appears in front of him.]

Holo-Hermes: This is Hermes. A package just came in. Everyone is to return to the office immediately. [The staff grumble. A pigeon lands next to Hermes.] Get away, you filthy bird! Shoo! Shoo! Professor, turn me off, quick!

Farnsworth: I'm sorry, wha?

[Holo-Hermes screams. The bird takes off with him and carries him towards the roof.]

Holo-Hermes: (shouting) See you at the office!

[Scene: Planet Express: Meeting Room. The staff sit around the table.]

Bender: Admit it: You all think robots are just machines built by humans to make their lives easier.

Fry: Well, aren't they?

Bender: I've never made anyone's life easier and you know it!

[Enter Farnsworth and a bandaged Hermes, who holds a box with a Planet Express label on it and "Chapek 9" written on it.]

Farnsworth: Great news, everyone. You'll be delivering a package to Chapek 9, a world where humans are killed on sight.

Fry: Why is that great news?

Farnsworth: I'm glad you asked that question, Fry. You see, Chapek 9 was colonised centuries ago by a murderous crew of radical robot separatists.

Bender: Oh, so just 'cause a robot wants to kill humans that makes him a "radical"?

Leela: Hey, hold on. I understand these robots hate humans, but how do they feel about humanoid aliens?

Farnsworth: They're not fans.

Hermes: That's why Bender will have to make the actual delivery.

Bender: Oh, I get it, make the robot do all the work!

Leela: This is the first actual work you've ever had to do around here.

Bender: Well I'm not doing it! It's a robot holiday.

Fry: Really? Which one?

Bender: Only Robanukkah, the holiest two weeks on the robot calendar.

Leela: Oh, come on, Bender. Last month it was "Robomadan" and before that "Robonzaa".

Fry: Man, that one was a blast!

Bender: It wasn't just "a blast". It was a sacred tribute to my ancestral prototypes which happened to take the form of a drinking contest.

Hermes: Now, look here, Bender. I respect your diversity to the extent the law requires but you used up all your days off when you had that bout with "Roberculosis".

Bender: Alright, I'll go. But so help me, I'll hold a grudge against every last stinking one of you for the rest of your lives.

Farnsworth: Well then it's settled. So long, everyone!

[Scene: Ships Cockpit. The ship approaches Chapek 9.]

Fry: So let me get this straight: This planet is completely uninhabited?

Bender: No, it's inhabited by robots.

Fry: Oh. Kinda like how a warehouse is inhabited by boxes.

[Bender mutters to himself.]

[Scene: The ship hovers above the surface of Chapek 9. The bomb-bay doors of the cargo bay are open.]

[Scene: Ships Cargo Bay. Leela holds a remote control to operate the magnetic winch.]

Leela: OK, Bender, we're here. It's time to get to work.

Bender: (sarcastic) Yes, Miss Leela. Tote that space barge, lift that space bale.

Leela: Now, we can't land on the surface because those robots will kill Fry and me. So we'll have to stay up here and lower you with the winch. And remember: You don't know humans, you don't work for humans, and, above all, you don't like humans.

Bender: (sarcastic) I'll try to keep that in mind!

[He steps onto the winch and Leela lowers it to the ground.]

Leela: Hmm, he seems pretty angry.

Fry: Yeah, but I guess I'd be kinda angry too if I had to go to some uninhabited planet.

Leela: Maybe we ought to do something nice for him.

[Scene: Ships Cockpit. Leela and Fry have decorated it with banners, paper bending unit chains and a beer bottle Menorah.]

Leela: There! This oughta show that stupid robot we care about him.

[The phone beeps.]

Fry: Ah, Bender must be done with the delivery.

[Leela answers the call. Bender's face appears on the screen.]

Bender: [on screen] I'm in trouble. They found out I work with humans and-- Oh, no! Oh, no!

[He screams and is dragged off into the darkness. The phone cuts to static.]

Fry: Oh, my God! We have to go down and rescue him.

Leela: No, we can't! They'll kill us on sight.

Fry: W-What are we gonna do?

Leela: I don't know! I don't know! It's not an easy decision. If only I had two or three minutes to think about it.

[Scene: Ships Cargo Bay. Fry and Leela put on tubing, boxes and a colander.]

Leela: OK. If we're going to save Bender, we've got to look and act exactly like robots.

Fry: (mechanical voice) I am fully operational, Captain.

Leela: We'll have to walk like robots, talk like robots and, if necessary, solve complex differential equations like robots.

Fry: I can sorta dance like a robot. Will that help?

[He sort of dances like a robot. Leela sighs.]

Leela: Fry, first of all this is serious. And second of all:

[She dances like a robot.]

[Cut to: Chapek 9 Surface. Fry and Leela lower themselves to the surface on the winch and come face to face with a huge robot complex. They walk towards it and Fry sees his reflection in the colander Leela is wearing on her head.]

Fry: Man, we look stupid. We should've gotten store-bought costumes.

Leela: Yeah, but there wasn't a Woolworth's in this quadrant.

[Cut to: Outside Robot Complex. They reach the gates of the complex but are stopped by two huge robot guards.]

Guard-bot #1: Halt!

Guard-bot #2: Be you robot or human?

Leela: Robot ... we be.

Fry: Uh, yup! Just two robots out robot-ing it up! [He sort of dances like a robot.] Eh?

Guard-bot #1: Administer the test.

Guard-bot #2: Which of the following would you most prefer? A, a puppy; B, a pretty flower from your sweetie or; C, a large properly-formatted data file?

Guard-bot #1: Choose!

[Fry and Leela whisper to each other about the answer.]

Fry: (whispering) C! [He turns to the guards.] (talking) Is the puppy mechanical in any way?

Guard-bot #2: No. It is the bad kind of puppy.

Leela: Then we'll go with that data file.

Guard-bot #2: Correct.

Guard-bot #1: The flower would also have been acceptable.

Guard-bot #2: You may pass.

[The guardbots fold up like Transformers and move to the side of the gates. Fry and Leela pass.]

[Cut to: Robot Complex. Fry and Leela walk down an empty corridor.]

Leela: Now, if you see any robots, just stay out of their way. [A buzzer goes off. Hundreds of robots come out of doors from all sides towards Fry and Leela. Leela gasps and she and Fry are separated and knocked around. Another buzzer sounds and the robots clear the area, leaving the corridor deserted again.] (shouting) So far, so good!

[Time Lapse. A Construction-bot gives directions to a robot crane which builds a Tetris wall.]

Construction-bot: Little to the right. There you go.

Leela: Have you seen this robot?

[She shows him a picture of Bender dressed as a magician pulling a rabbit out of a hat.]

Construction-bot: Sorry, can't help you. [He turns back to the crane.] Hey, watch it! Don't drop that there!

[The crane drops a brick into the wall and it disappears. The Construction-bot groans.]

[Time Lapse. Fry and Leela pass a sign that says "got milk? then you're a human and must be killed".]

Leela: Come on, Fry! Walk like a robot.

Fry: I can't. I have to go to the bathroom.

Leela: Robots don't have bathrooms.

Fry: Oh, right. I wonder where they smoke in high school.

Leela: Listen. Just go behind those garbage cans. I'll stand guard.

[Fry does. A robot approaches Fry.]

Leela: Hurry up, Fry!

Robot: Sir? Are you aware that you're leaking coolant at an alarming rate?

Fry: Uh...

Robot: Lemme just patch you up with some hot resin.

Fry: I think the leak's stopping itself. Wait ... Wait ... Yeah, there we go. Wait ... Yeah!

Robot: What sort of robot turns down a free blast of searing-hot resin?

Leela: I'm sorry. My friend and I have to go and perform some mindless repetitive tasks.

[The robot chuckles.]

Robot: Sounds like a romantic evening. I won't keep you.

[The robot zooms away and churns up dust. Leela sneezes. The robot turns around and growls. Leela kicks it over and she and Fry run off. An anti-human patrol van picks up the robot.]

Patrol-bot #1: Get the humanoid.

Patrol-bot #2: Get the intruder.

Announcer: [on loudspeaker] Intruder alert! Intruder 'alert!

Leela: Quick! Let's duck in here!

[They run into a cinema showing It Came From Planet Earth.]

[Scene: Cinema. The movie features two robots sitting in a car. The robot audience is wearing 3-D glasses.]

Announcer: [on radio; in movie] We interrupt this sound file to bring you a terrifying announcement: A non-metallic being has been sighted in the vicinity of Make Out Point.

Rusty: [in movie] Say, Wendy. Your chassis is a little scuffed. Mind if I polish it for you?

[The bushes rustle.]

Wendy: [in movie] Did you here that, Rusty? It sounded like a human.

Rusty: [in movie] Relax, Wendy. Humans will never come to our defenceless little town. It's perfectly safe to let our guard down, even for a second.

[A human (actually a robot actor wearing a human costume) appears from some bushes. Wendy screams and it growls, tears off Rusty's head and eats it.]

Human: [in movie] I will eat and digest you all with my system of mighty organs. Behold!

[It opens itself up revealing human organs. The audience gasps.]

Fry: Wow! The 3-D's great!

Leela: Mine's not working.

[She moves the 3-D glasses back and forth over her eye. In the movie the "human" stumbles around, breathes fire and finally collapses. It has an arrow in its back. Wendy and an army robot approach it.]

Army Robot: [in movie] Funny, isn't it? The human was impervious to our most powerful magnetic fields, yet in the end he succumbed to a harmless sharpened stick!

[He pulls the stick out of the "human" and chuckles.]

Wendy: [in movie] I'm just glad the nightmare is over.

Army Robot: [in movie] It'll never be over, Wendy. Even now humans are lurking in our playgrounds, our breezeways, perhaps even ... our movie theatres!

[He points into the camera at the audience. They scream.]

Fry: God help us!

[Scene: Outside Cinema. The movie has ended and the robots file out.]

Leela: OK. Keep an eye out for Bender.

Robot #1: So, what did you think of the movie?

Fry: Um ... too much romance, not enough human killing.

Robot #2: Yeah, it was a real chick flick.

[There is a fanfare.]

Leela: What's that?

Robot #1: What do you mean "What's that"? It's five o'clock: Time for the daily human hunt.

[The robots take out pitchforks, maces and fire torches and file off in the same direction. Fry and Leela follow.]

Leela: Try to stay with the crowd so no one notices how crummy you look.

[She is talking to a robot that looks like Fry disguised as a robot.]

Robot #3: Aw, that was uncalled for!

Fry: I'm over here.

[The robots congregate around a platform.]

Robot #4: I heard a human was draining coolant behind garbage can 738.

Robot #5: I heard they unscrew our lug nuts at night and eat them at their human brunches.

Robot Mayor: Welcome to a very special human hunt. We have with us today a guest whose irrational hatred for humans makes me look like a human sympathiser! [The crowd laughs.] A newly-arrived refugee from Earth, let's hear it for ... Bender!

[Bender emerges from the shadows and stands at the microphone.]

Fry: It's him! He's OK!

Bender: (shouting) Death to humans!

[The crowd cheers.]

Fry: Ah! It's good to hear his voice!

Bender: Many said I was too extreme when I first called for the annihilation of the human species, as well as some of the more cunning monkeys. But after living on Earth I can tell you that I am, if anything, too merciful!

[The crowd cheers.]

Fry: My God! He's become evil. [Leela stares at him.] I mean eviler!

Bender: Thank you! Thank you! And if you enjoyed that diatribe then you'll want to purchase my spoken word album, just 18.95! Act now and you'll get this Bender action figurine.

[He pulls the string]

Bender Figurine: Bite my shiny metal ass!

[The robots wave cash.]

Robot #6: (shouting) Oh, I want one!

[Bender takes the money and hands out the figurines from a box.]

Robot Mayor: Let the hunt begin!

[The robots scatter and hit bushes and look under rocks.]

Bender: Now, your basic human is between three- and 25-feet tall and is made of a hairy, oily goo wrapped in a t-shirt.

Robot #1: Is it true they bite your neck, suck your transmission fluid and then you become a human?

Bender: Sure, why not?

[They look in some bracken.]

Robot Mayor: Anything in the trap?

Bender: Nothing. Today's active humans prefer a low-calorie bait.

Robot Mayor: Well that makes 146,000 unsuccessful hunts in a row. But I've got a good feeling about tomorrow.

[Bender sees a building.]

Bender: Wait! What's that?

Robot Mayor: That's the old abandoned adult book store. Nothing in there except a few mouldy old shreds of robot pornography.

Bender: Hmm, sounds like a breeding ground for humans. I'd better check it out.

[Scene: Adult Book Store. Bender looks and the robot porn -- circuit diagrams.]

Bender: Oh, yeah! You're a bad girl, aren't you?

Fry: Pst! Bender!

Bender: Huh? Wha? [He hides the porn.] You! What the hell are you doing here?

Fry: We've been looking for you. Last we heard you were under arrest as a human sympathiser.

Bender: I was. But they let me go when I told them I killed a million billion humans.

Leela: Good for you. Now let's all get back to the ship.

Bender: What for?

Fry: We're rescuing you.

Bender: I don't wanna be rescued.

Fry: Say what?

Bender: I love this planet. I've got wealth, fame and access to the depths of sleaze that those things bring.

Fry: But, Bender, we're your friends.

Bender: Friends? That activates my hilarity unit! I'm just a machine to you. You're no more friends with me than you are with the toaster or the phonograph or the electric chair.

Fry: That's not true.

Bender: Well that's how it feels to me.

[There is an awkward silence.]

Fry: Bye, Bender. I'll miss you.

Bender: Go on, get out of here before you get caught.

[Enter the Robot Mayor and some other robots.]

Robot Mayor: Bender, good news: Your album just went gold! What the--?

Robot #1: It's the humans!

Robot Mayor: Bender! Do something!

[Bender grabs Fry and Leela.]

Bender: Uh ... got you ... you murderous flesh piles!

[Scene: Robot Hall of Justice. Fry and Leela sit in a cage. The judge is a Mac.]

Robot Mayor: Your Honour, I intend to demonstrate beyond 0.5% of a doubt that these humans before us are guilty of the crime of being humans. Come to think of it, I rest my case!

Judge: Thank you, prosecutor. I will now consider the evidence.

[He begins to consider. A blue bar moves across his screen.]

Fry: Hey, wait a minute! Isn't anyone going to defend us?

Leela: Yeah! I mean he might not have a case but I'm genuinely not a human.

Robot Mayor: Quiet, human!

[The judge stops considering. A prompt box shows up on his screen: "Sorry A System Error Occured [Restart]" The court gasps.]

Robot Bailiff: Uh-oh! He froze up again!

Robot Mayor: Try control-alt-delete.

Robot #1: Jiggle the cord.

Robot #2: Turn him off and on.

Robot #3: Clean the gunk out of the mouse.

Fry: Call technical support.

Robot Bailiff: OK, OK, he's back online.

Judge: I find the defendants ... guilty.

[The court cheers.]

Fry: No!

Leela: Look! One eye! Count them: One! Not human!

Judge: The humans are hereby sentenced to live as robots live on Earth. They will perform tedious calculations and spot-weld automobiles, until they become obsolete and are given away to an inner-city middle school.

[The court cheers again.]

Robot Mayor: Great work, Bender! You've taught us to hate humans all over again!

[Bender chuckles and sighs. The bailiff pulls a lever and Fry and Leela fall through the floor.]

[Cut to: Room. It is pitch black. Fry and Leela hit the floor.]

Leela: Are you alright?

Fry: Oh, yeah.

[The lights come on. Fry is upside down. They are sat before five tall robots. Leela gasps.]

Leela: Who are you?

Blue Elder: We are the robot elders.

Fry: You don't look very old.

Blue Elder: Thanks. We try to take care of ourselves.

Leela: What's going on here?

Red Elder: Silence! Bring in Bender.

[The doors open. Enter Bender.]

Bender: Alright, let's make this quick, I'm due at the opening of a mini-mall. Hey! What is this?

Blue Elder: Silence! It is time to put the humans to death.

[Fry and Leela gasp.]

Fry: But the judge already sentenced us at the trial!

Red Elder: Silence! That was just a show for the public. We are the true rulers of this planet, hand-carved from meteorites by the Robot Founders over four centuries ago.

Blue Elder: Silence! Come forward, Bender. You will have the honour of executing the prisoners.

Green Elder: Silence! I concur!

Yellow Elder: Here, use the ceremonial killer-ma-jig.

Bender: Uh, I'm a little tired right now. Would it be alright if I just gave 'em a savage beating?

Blue Elder: No! The Elders have spoken. Show us the killing skills than have made you a media darling.

Green Elder: Do it now! Kill them before they bring down our whole society!

Robot Elders: (chanting) Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!

[Bender groans and throws down the killer-ma-jig. The Elders gasp.]

Bender: I can't kill them. Plenty of humans have mistreated robots, but not these two. They're my friends. Humans are no threat to us. They're stupid, putrid cowards.

Fry: Damn right!

Bender: The fact is, humans are completely harmless.

Blue Elder: We're well aware of that.

Bender: You are?

Blue Elder: Of course. But they're useful to us as a scapegoat to distract the public from their real problem.

Green Elder: Like our crippling lug nut shortage.

Orange Elder: And a corrupt government of incompetent Robot Elders.

Yellow Elder: Duh, that's for sure.

Blue Elder: Quiet, Jimmy.

Bender: Well, I'm glad we got all that out in the open. We'll just let ourselves out.

Green Elder: Silence! You all know too much.

Blue Elder: Elders, execute function-control-shift-kill.

[They form a line and sharp objects come out of their arms. They move towards Fry, Leela and Bender who back away. Fry suddenly leaps forward.]

Fry: Stop! Take one more step and I'll breathe fire on you!

[The Elders exchange glances.]

Leela: He'll do it. He's crazy!

Yellow Elder: Can they really breathe fire or did we make that up?

Blue Elder: Gee, I can't remember anymore. It might just be from that stupid movie.

Orange Elder: Was that the original or the re-make?

[The crew sneak away.]

Blue Elder: I don't-- Hey! They're getting away.

[Scene: Chapek 9 Surface. Outside the robot complex, Fry, Leela and Bender run towards the winch with hundreds of robots chasing them. They jump onto it and Leela presses the button.]

Fry: So long, suckers! [The robots stand on each other's shoulders and are soon at the same height as the rising winch.] Uh, hello, suckers!

Bender: Hey, hold on a second; I forgot to deliver the package.

[He hands the parcel to a robot. It loses it's balance and falls, along with the rest of the robots. The parcel bursts open and showers the robots with the contents.]

Robot #7: Lug nuts! Precious lug nuts!

Robot #8: Hooray for the humans!

[Scene: Ships Cockpit. The ship speeds out of orbit of Chapek 9. Bender sees the decorations.]

Bender: Wow, I can't believe you guys did all this for me! This is the best Robanukkah ever!

Fry: We wanted to show you that we really do respect your robot heritage.

Bender: Aw, thanks! You do know that I made Robanukkah up to get out of work, right?

Leela: Of course.

Fry: But that doesn't make it any less meaningful.

Bender: In that case, let the dancing begin! [He puts some music on and Fry and Leela do their robot dances.] Hey, you guys are good. How the hell do you do that?

[The crew enjoy the party and take several photos of the occasion.]

[Closing Credits.]